Were he in better health she'd be rolling them both to pin him down beneath her, but as it is, she has patience. Since getting him back his recovery has been her focus, even if that meant putting baser desires on the back burner. They have a lifetime together. She can refrain from rolling in the sheets with him until he's not likely to pass out.
That smile of his is nearly enough to make her throw caution to the wind, however. Vex sighs, smiling back at him, hand covering his as she looks up at him.
"Shall we add that to your list of titles, darling?" She teases. And then, more seriously--
"I'm glad. I'm... happier than I could have ever imagined." Which is strange to feel, stranger to say aloud. Admitting it makes it truth, and some part of her feels guilty Vax isn't here, isn't a part of it. "I'm excited to see what our future together brings us, Percy."
"I am, too," he tells her, and if his smile's tired, it's no less genuine for that fact. "And adding husband is quite enough for me. I'd give all the others up for that one."
They talk in quiet voices for a little longer, secret words for a secret bond, until he has to admit that he's on the verge of falling asleep. When he does, it's with Vex's fingers carding through his hair, repetitive and unbelievably comforting. Up again for their supper, and then back to the quiet of their room - and though the spirit is most definitely willing, he doesn't have the energy to raise the idea of consummation, let alone make an attempt.
Percy's still tired the next day, though he struggles through an abbreviated walk outside out of sheer stubbornness. It's maddening to run into a setback because he'd dared to marry the woman he loves, and he's in a poor temper all day. The day after, he wakes midmorning feeling more himself - only to find rain beating down the windows. It's cold out, just this side of snowing, and there's no chance in the nine hells that he'll be able to leave the castle; even if he was tempted to risk the twin threats of falling and getting sick, he doubts anyone else would be willing.
He can shake off yesterday's bearish mood, but he's restless at the idea of reading, and sketching out schematics for future projects has left him with at least a dozen ideas he can't do anything with. By early afternoon, he's gotten up to walk over to the window enough times that he might as well be pacing.
Percy's mood matches the poor weather. Vex has been patient, she thinks, but it's his moving about that's threatening to make her lose it. The cold weather has her choosing to linger in bed, back against the pillows and headboard, lap covered by thick blankets as she reads. Her eyes flick over to Percy as he once more looks out the window, and it's with a sigh that she shuts her book and sets it on the nightstand.
"Is it that miserable to be cooped up with your wife?" She teases, knowing it's not her. He's a man that likes to keep busy, and he doesn't need both his condition and the weather reminding him of the fact that he's unable to do all the things he would usually. "I doubt the weather will improve tomorrow, let alone today."
If it's not snowing, she'll be surprised. And he'll be even more irritated. In Vex's opinion, the shit weather is a blessing: he's forced to rest.
Snow is inevitable, and he knows it in his bones; once winter comes to Whitestone, it doesn't let up, and winter is clearly on their doorstep. Which is fine, normally. The first winter snows turn Whitestone into a blinding, brilliant shimmer in the sun - and even when things grow slushy and grey, he doesn't mind. It's the ideal time to retreat to his workshop and the heat of his forge, or spend hours poring over books.
But he's still barred from the workshop, and the bustle of his childhood memories has become a kind of stillness he's not entirely used to. (The quiet throughout the castle is something he'd dreamt of as a boy - when, even in a building this large, no room guaranteed peace or privacy if any of his half-dozen siblings burst through the door. But he'd never wanted it like this.) He hasn't the strength to bring about the return of the many parties traditionally hosted here around Winter's Crest, and even if he did, he hasn't the temperament, either. Their friends have scattered to the four winds, and it turns out one can only read so much without pause. It's hard not to feel contrary, under the circumstances. He wants everything he can't have, and if he had it, he suspects he wouldn't want it anymore.
His shoulders slump a little when he hears Vex's question at his back. "I can't think of anyone I'd rather be cooped up with - but right now, I'd rather not be cooped up."
Turning back to face her, he walks over to her side of the bed and settles carefully on the edge beside her. She looks exceptionally comfortable, lounging there - he suspects she's chosen to stay in bed today in an attempt to get him to do the same. "I know I've been a beast lately. That's...not how I want things to be."
"All things considered, you've been worse," she says with a wry smile. She doesnt wish him to feel like a caged lion, but af least he's not on a mission to get vengeance. It's far too cold for that and the bed is warm from her body--though Vex scoots over, onto the cooler sheets, offering him her warmed spot under the blankets. True love.
"A lot has happened in a short amount of time, hasn't it?" She muses aloud as a way of beginning the conversation. "For you, especially."
They saved the day, but he died, and then he came back, and now he has to adjust to this new role in a home that's forever changed (all while he's changed), full of both good and bad memories. They're going to have to do a lot of work to put some ghosts to rest, she thinks.
"I'm proud of you, Percy, for how well you've been handling it all so far. But I hope you'll tell me when it's too much."
He's disinclined to crawl back into bed - a bit like giving up for the day and surrendering to apathy - but the heat of Vex's body is a temptation that draws him. Setting his cane on the floor, he carefully moves into her spot, sliding an arm around her. His fingers are cold, but some time curled up with her will change that.
And maybe that's something they could both use. His boredom is a selfish one, stuck entirely on the things he's not capable of; he hasn't considered that Vex might need him right now.
"For both of us." His death was a blow he wasn't present to see her take, but he can recognize in retrospect just how badly it hurt her. She's been strong through it all, taking care of nearly every need he could possibly have, but she's more easily worried for him these days. Quieter, at times. Willing to fold herself into a slow-paced life, with a lover - husband - who's still mastering the art of walking downstairs, but at what cost to her own happiness? Perhaps no cost at all, but he's frustrated with his limits; he couldn't blame her if there are moments when she is, too.
And through it all, the kind of fear that comes with seeing someone lying dead at one's feet. He knows that all too well, with too many different people; if he'd gotten her killed after they started sleeping together, rather than before, he'd have lost his damned mind.
"I will...though I doubt I need to tell you that I don't always notice when something becomes too much. You might have to see it for me." Yet another thing for her to do for him. He'd dearly like to stop adding more to her plate. "And tell me, too - if any of this becomes overwhelming for you. I'm not much use at the moment, but I'm here to help you, too."
She hates feeling him cold. It's too much of a reminder that he was a corpse, not too long ago, devoid of all his cleverness and the laugh that always made her smile despite herself. They were so close to losing any chance to be happy together, let alone married. So, she makes sure he's tucked against her, her head coming to rest on his shoulder.
She's happy to care for him. It's a privilege to help him with the stairs or with his boots or grab something forgotten across the room. The only frustration comes from not being able to fix what's damaged. His body needs to recover. There's no one for her to shoot or swindle. No one to pay. She worries for his health and his heart, being unable to tinker for days on end or do simpler things without help. She can adjust to this life of relative luxury, find a place to make a new routine, but she knows he's having to shift so much more around in his head.
"My saying that was me trying to get you to take a step back and look at yourself," she tells him, lifting her head to press a kiss to his cheek. Each day sees him looking a little less gaunt. "I'm alright, Percy. Far from overwhelmed. You're not that much of a pain in the ass... even when you're determined to be a grump."
He kisses her head when she lays it against his shoulder, the weight of it familiar and entirely welcome. Resting is tolerable when it's the two of them like this - but he can hardly expect her to entertain him every hour of the day.
For now, though, it goes a long way toward soothing his petty irritation. How can he feel anything but fortunate when the most beautiful woman in the world is leaning against him? She settles in close and he gives one of her hands a squeeze, before setting it over his heartbeat.
"I'm not determined to be a grump," he replies, and the words are amused, not defensive. "But when I step back and look at myself...I'm not always sure I like what I see."
It's not a confession he expects will be surprising; they, and all their friends, have done things they aren't proud of, in the twisting paths that have brought them to the present moment. Admitting it isn't easy, though. His sense of pride is at times defensive, a set of armor he puts on against the world.
"When you look at me," he says quietly, playing idly with the end of her braid, "what do you see? Or - no, I can guess that, and it's entirely too complimentary." He's teasing, mostly. "What do you think I should see, Vex?"
Vex smiles against his shoulder, his hand guiding hers right where she would have put it anyway. Her smile dims as he continues to speak. No, his confession isn't a surprise, but she knows how hard it is to talk about such things... even with someone you trust your whole heart to.
"Well," she sighs, watching her fingers play with the fabric of his shirt, "I would ask you what, exactly, do you not like? You're a survivor, Percy. The terrible things that happened to you and your family... all we've fought as Vox Machina... and at the end of the day, your heart desires good. You want to restore your home. Make it a better place. And you're brilliant enough and determined enough to do it."
"I might be," he owns, his gaze shifting from her hand to the rain pouring down the windows outside. From this vantage point, he can appreciate that it's lovely to watch, the sort of day that begs to be enjoyed from a place as cozy as their bed. It's a pity he couldn't have come to that conclusion before driving Vex halfway round the bend, but he has the slightly discomfited sensation that these are words that need to be spoken aloud at some point. "I'm also...drawn to the darkness of the world, I think. Practical in ways that could hurt people, idealistic in ways that could hurt people, too. I'm overly rigid, I'm melancholy at times, and I can be a real asshole, even if I'm not a complete asshole."
None of which has put her off, at least, but there's no denying Vex is a biased party. Lying here with him, feeling his heart thump under her fingertips, wearing the title Lady Vex'ahlia de Rolo - she'll never look at him and see a monster. It's a fact he's grateful for, but he's not convinced he's earned it.
"And I'm..." His eyes close, and he rests his cheek against her hair. There's no safer person to confess just how little he thinks of himself, but it's still an ordeal to say the words aloud. "It's not enough to say I'm drawn to darkness. Cruelty comes to me so much more easily than mercy, Vex. After everything we've been through, if you walked me back to the beginning and gave me the chance to do it differently, I'd only want to kill people that much faster and more painfully. I can be better than that - I try to be better than that - but I'm not sure I really am."
She came so close to losing him forever in the worst possible way: without telling him she loved him. Even if he saw through her bullshit, her fears, it would have haunted her for the rest of her days. He's allowed to drive her a little crazy for what nearly happened.
(One day this quiet patience may give way, but Vex would like to think she has it in decent supply.)
"You're painfully self-aware," she says after a moment. The worst men in the world have no idea they're the worst. She falls silent for another few moments, choosing her words carefully. "Dear... a lot of our problems have been solved by killing people. And I think some of them did get off lightly--you aren't alone in wishing we could have done worse. You know who you are, and you know your nature and your impulses. The difference between you and something despicable is that you restrain yourself. And I can guarantee you won't feel or think the same way forever."
She's already a different person since meeting him. He's changed in that time, too.
"For the longest time, you only had darkness and cruelty. Not anymore. You have your home, your sister. A chance to be whoever you wish to be."
Perhaps that's more intimidating than he realizes. It's not altogether different from what she faces, but at least she has him to worry about to distract her from thinking about it overmuch.
"I have you." It doesn't escape his notice that her list is incomplete - and it's hard to imagine you have your wife of two days has slipped her mind. He wonders that that means, if it means anything. "And you make me a better person. I know that much."
Not solely her, of course, but when he thinks of how Vox Machina has changed him, he thinks of Vex's steadiness first. She's kind without falling victim to naïveté, self-assured without being (too) bullheaded. She's seen the uncertainty in him and shown gentleness; when he's needed help, she's never hesitated. There was love between them long before she invited him to her room, but its depth and breadth have both grown.
"I do want to believe you," he adds, letting his eyes close again for a moment or two. "And perhaps one of these days, I will. Once I've become whoever it is I want to be - once I can see what that looks like."
And she thinks they make one another better. He's softened her heart and chipped away at walls so carefully constructed she couldn't see past them. He can match her moods, balance her, and turn her into mush. All things she can do to him in return.
"Whoever you wish to be, you'll have me. I believe that was part of what the good Keeper said, if I'm not mistaken? I may not have been paying attention at some parts," she teases. Truthfully, their wedding is a blur in her mind. Mostly, she remembers his hands in hers and the happiness in his eyes. "You need to allow yourself time to figure it out. But I promise you, the man you are now... he's a good one. One I hope to have a family with, some day."
She might as well toss that in there in case there was any doubt.
Here, if nowhere else, he disappoints, as some heretofore-unnoticed tension in his body eases. The thought of children probably should make him slightly nervous, but right now, it doesn't. If anything, it's clarifying: there, in her voice, is what he wants. A legacy for Whitestone, a lively home, room for each of them to give a child the things they were denied. As always, Vex finds the heart of an issue and hands it over to him, when he would have searched for ages.
"We'll have to consummate this marriage at some point," he murmurs, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice, "if you want a family."
Maybe today, even. Dreary weather is, frankly, the perfect backdrop for intimacy. But that's a matter to settle later; he wants to keep her talking, hear the dreams she has for them. "How many, do you think?"
Oh. He takes it in stride, and Vex is both surprised and charmed--enough to huff out a laugh against his shoulder, even if the conversation had been heavy a moment ago. She's found a new way to save him from the melancholy. It warms her to the marrow of her bones.
"How many rooms do we have to fill?" Vex jokes. A family is a lovely thought, and though motherhood hadn't been on her bucket list because she couldn't imagine something like settling down, she can so easily see herself as the mother of Percy's children. "Don't forget, twins run on my side of the family."
She slips her arms around him to give him an affectionate squeeze. Consummating their marriage would lift his spirits further, but she's still feeling out whether he's capable of doing so without landing himself in another casket.
"They'd outnumber us two to one," he says with a laugh, tilting his head so he can press a kiss to the tip of her nose. "It'd be sheer anarchy."
And he loves the idea. It's not without sacrifice - with children underfoot, they lose the freedom of constant traveling and, frankly, killing dangerous shit for money - but what they gain would surely make up for it. Vex must feel the same, he thinks, or she'd be more hesitant about the entire idea. Five children isn't the suggestion of a woman with half-hearted interest in reproducing.
Perhaps she feels as he does, that little shock of hopeful anticipation at the idea of someone else in the world built up of the person she loves most. The thought is a humbling one. (So much easier to imagine when it's her - some sly little girl or boy with its mother's looks, clever with sums and willing to try anything once. Who wouldn't want that?)
"We can consider it the upper limit. I'm not sure how my parents managed seven." A pause, rueful. "Well, I do know how - they loved us, of course, but tutors and governesses raised us as much as they did. If we do this - when we do this - I want to be there for everything that matters. I never want them to wonder if they're the most important part of our lives."
"Anarchy? What are you implying about children with both our traits, darling?" She can't manage a straight face as the words come out, laughing before she even gets to her endearment. Their children would be hellions. Far too smart for their own good, climbing into and onto things they shouldn't, and testing their limits at any given opportunity. It sounds wonderful. She feels her love for Percy grow all the more.
They've both spent so long without a place to put down roots that the prospect of doing so in Whitestone excites her. She can give up the travel and the fighting and the thrills if it means having a family with the man she loves.
She shifts so that she can look at him properly.
"You will. We both will. Our children will have lives far better than we did, and we'll make sure they know how much they're loved and wanted. Considering how you've given me that gift..."
Her smile widens. He's given her everything.
"I have no worries about the kind of man you are or the type of father you'll be, Percy. You're not perfect, but I'll admit that you're damn close. I'm the luckiest woman in the world."
"I'm implying," he says, trying his best not to join her in laughter and failing, "that any child of ours is going to be impossibly stubborn and exhaustingly curious."
And he wouldn't have it any other way. He can imagine teaching them the chemistry of black powder, Vex showing them how to hold a bow. And poor Trinket will never have a moment's peace again - he had better luxuriate in his fireside naps while their lives remain quiet.
Percy's expression softens as she goes on, from amusement into a sort of self-conscious pleasure. Right now, at least, he can believe in the kindness of her words, even if he'll find himself doubting them again in the future. (That part might be necessary - the doubt. So long as it's in question whether he's as good a man as he ought to be, he'll continue to work for it.) His face going pink, he reaches up to brush the backs of his fingers against her cheek.
"Exactly as lucky as I." He's quiet for a moment, hesitating at the threshold of a conversation he's not sure they should enter. "Speaking of our childhoods...do you want to inform your father that you've married? Not before Vax, of course. But when we make this known, do you want word sent to him officially?"
The warmth in Vex's eyes abruptly disappears. Nothing directed at Percy, of course, and even when Vex settles back against the pillows she keeps her hand on his chest. Her father is never a topic that encourages happiness. She would consider their relationship marginally improved, but the wounds run deep. She doesn't want to fall back into old habits, her own darkness.
"... I don't know." But maybe that's an answer in itself, given it's not a resounding yes. "He would find some way to get under my skin. Make some sort of remark or simply not respond. I worry all it would do is set me off."
The honest truth. She sighs and closes her eyes.
"I always feel like a little girl again when faced with the thought of my father. And yet a part of me still feels like I could prove myself, gain what I always longed for as a child... he may regard me better now, but I don't think he's earned the right to know what I do with my life."
Vax would be happy to hear that, she thinks. There's the answer. She does know, doesn't she? With another sigh, she opens her eyes to look to Percy.
"... no. We don't need to tell him. And when we have children, they'll have plenty of aunts and uncles. There's no need for that man in their lives."
She might understand him better now, but that doesn't mean everything is forgotten.
He knows as he's asking that this is a question that will hurt. It's something they'll have to discuss eventually, though - and while perhaps it didn't have to be now, at least it's over and done with.
But that doesn't make it any easier to see the old pain in her frown.
"He can find out the way everyone else in the realm does," Percy promises, feeling a measure of mean satisfaction at the idea, because really, fuck Vex's father. "I would never ask you to speak to him directly, my love - at most, I'd suggest we send a messenger. And to be honest, I don't want to. I don't want him to have a single chance to ruin your happiness."
But that's not his decision to make, ultimately. He can support Vex in everything, and where he can protect her from unhappiness, he will - but he can't take away her choices in the process. (In the back of his mind, he wonders if there's a way to leave open the possibility of a relationship with Velora, who can hardly be blamed for her father's cruelty...but if so, Vex will have to decide upon it.) He presses a gentle kiss to Vex's mouth, sympathy and apology in equal measure.
His support means everything. Once, it only felt like she had Vax. Now, she has Percy, too. It softens the pain of lacking the support of her father when she wished to have it most.
The kiss is a balm for her discomfort, and she returns it, palm pressing to Percy's cheek.
"Have I told you that I love you yet today?" She asks. She does try to say it daily since that terrible span of time where she didn't have a chance to say it to him at all. "Because I do. Every day I love you a little more, in fact."
"If it means I get to hear it again," he murmurs, "then I've never heard it before in my life."
More importantly, chasing the joke with another little kiss, he adds, "I love you, Vex'ahlia. Sometimes I think I always have."
Even when she's been a pain in the ass. Even when she was a stranger at the bars of his cell, willing to trust him without more than his word to go on. And now - especially now, talking over the future and the past with him, her every touch gentle. The world has shrunk down to the two of them, and the life they're building together.
"Now I know you're full of it, my darling Percival." She was so stubborn, so unwilling to let others in. She had tried particularly hard to keep him out, most of all. Because she was always drawn to him, always the first to reach for him or make sure he was okay. It wasn't something she thought to do--it was instinctual.
Fondness came quicker than she'd admit, but love? She has no idea when that happened. She's only glad it did.
"You can go easy on the flattery. I already agreed to marry you."
"Perhaps I like flattering you." Percy doesn't draw back, one hand moving down her side as he speaks. Maybe, he thinks. Maybe if he nudged her back against the mattress and kissed her again, deeper this time... "Perhaps you're simply beautiful and fascinating, and you always have been."
All right, now he's laying it on thick - but it's as much for her amusement as for the truth of it all. This time, when he kisses her, it's both hungry and tentative, the latter only because he's expecting to hear not until you're better.
Vex can read him like the book she left on the nightstand. It goes both ways: he's correct to assume the need in their kiss would remind Vex of his health. It does. But that's not entirely why she breaks the kiss, reaching up to stoke his jaw with the backs of her fingers.
He does so much better when he can be himself. Do what he enjoys. When he can forget he was recently deceased. She gets it.
"Tomorrow... let's spend an hour or so in your workshop."
Vex slides a finger down his jawline, index finger at the underside of his chin. There are other things that make him feel like himself.
"As for tonight? You'll have to remain on your back."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-01-15 02:24 am (UTC)That smile of his is nearly enough to make her throw caution to the wind, however. Vex sighs, smiling back at him, hand covering his as she looks up at him.
"Shall we add that to your list of titles, darling?" She teases. And then, more seriously--
"I'm glad. I'm... happier than I could have ever imagined." Which is strange to feel, stranger to say aloud. Admitting it makes it truth, and some part of her feels guilty Vax isn't here, isn't a part of it. "I'm excited to see what our future together brings us, Percy."
maybe everything's kind of a bummer, lmfao
Date: 2025-01-15 04:17 am (UTC)They talk in quiet voices for a little longer, secret words for a secret bond, until he has to admit that he's on the verge of falling asleep. When he does, it's with Vex's fingers carding through his hair, repetitive and unbelievably comforting. Up again for their supper, and then back to the quiet of their room - and though the spirit is most definitely willing, he doesn't have the energy to raise the idea of consummation, let alone make an attempt.
Percy's still tired the next day, though he struggles through an abbreviated walk outside out of sheer stubbornness. It's maddening to run into a setback because he'd dared to marry the woman he loves, and he's in a poor temper all day. The day after, he wakes midmorning feeling more himself - only to find rain beating down the windows. It's cold out, just this side of snowing, and there's no chance in the nine hells that he'll be able to leave the castle; even if he was tempted to risk the twin threats of falling and getting sick, he doubts anyone else would be willing.
He can shake off yesterday's bearish mood, but he's restless at the idea of reading, and sketching out schematics for future projects has left him with at least a dozen ideas he can't do anything with. By early afternoon, he's gotten up to walk over to the window enough times that he might as well be pacing.
typical!!!
Date: 2025-01-15 04:40 am (UTC)"Is it that miserable to be cooped up with your wife?" She teases, knowing it's not her. He's a man that likes to keep busy, and he doesn't need both his condition and the weather reminding him of the fact that he's unable to do all the things he would usually. "I doubt the weather will improve tomorrow, let alone today."
If it's not snowing, she'll be surprised. And he'll be even more irritated. In Vex's opinion, the shit weather is a blessing: he's forced to rest.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-15 02:04 pm (UTC)But he's still barred from the workshop, and the bustle of his childhood memories has become a kind of stillness he's not entirely used to. (The quiet throughout the castle is something he'd dreamt of as a boy - when, even in a building this large, no room guaranteed peace or privacy if any of his half-dozen siblings burst through the door. But he'd never wanted it like this.) He hasn't the strength to bring about the return of the many parties traditionally hosted here around Winter's Crest, and even if he did, he hasn't the temperament, either. Their friends have scattered to the four winds, and it turns out one can only read so much without pause. It's hard not to feel contrary, under the circumstances. He wants everything he can't have, and if he had it, he suspects he wouldn't want it anymore.
His shoulders slump a little when he hears Vex's question at his back. "I can't think of anyone I'd rather be cooped up with - but right now, I'd rather not be cooped up."
Turning back to face her, he walks over to her side of the bed and settles carefully on the edge beside her. She looks exceptionally comfortable, lounging there - he suspects she's chosen to stay in bed today in an attempt to get him to do the same. "I know I've been a beast lately. That's...not how I want things to be."
no subject
Date: 2025-01-15 06:40 pm (UTC)"A lot has happened in a short amount of time, hasn't it?" She muses aloud as a way of beginning the conversation. "For you, especially."
They saved the day, but he died, and then he came back, and now he has to adjust to this new role in a home that's forever changed (all while he's changed), full of both good and bad memories. They're going to have to do a lot of work to put some ghosts to rest, she thinks.
"I'm proud of you, Percy, for how well you've been handling it all so far. But I hope you'll tell me when it's too much."
no subject
Date: 2025-01-15 07:25 pm (UTC)And maybe that's something they could both use. His boredom is a selfish one, stuck entirely on the things he's not capable of; he hasn't considered that Vex might need him right now.
"For both of us." His death was a blow he wasn't present to see her take, but he can recognize in retrospect just how badly it hurt her. She's been strong through it all, taking care of nearly every need he could possibly have, but she's more easily worried for him these days. Quieter, at times. Willing to fold herself into a slow-paced life, with a lover - husband - who's still mastering the art of walking downstairs, but at what cost to her own happiness? Perhaps no cost at all, but he's frustrated with his limits; he couldn't blame her if there are moments when she is, too.
And through it all, the kind of fear that comes with seeing someone lying dead at one's feet. He knows that all too well, with too many different people; if he'd gotten her killed after they started sleeping together, rather than before, he'd have lost his damned mind.
"I will...though I doubt I need to tell you that I don't always notice when something becomes too much. You might have to see it for me." Yet another thing for her to do for him. He'd dearly like to stop adding more to her plate. "And tell me, too - if any of this becomes overwhelming for you. I'm not much use at the moment, but I'm here to help you, too."
no subject
Date: 2025-01-15 08:12 pm (UTC)She's happy to care for him. It's a privilege to help him with the stairs or with his boots or grab something forgotten across the room. The only frustration comes from not being able to fix what's damaged. His body needs to recover. There's no one for her to shoot or swindle. No one to pay. She worries for his health and his heart, being unable to tinker for days on end or do simpler things without help. She can adjust to this life of relative luxury, find a place to make a new routine, but she knows he's having to shift so much more around in his head.
"My saying that was me trying to get you to take a step back and look at yourself," she tells him, lifting her head to press a kiss to his cheek. Each day sees him looking a little less gaunt. "I'm alright, Percy. Far from overwhelmed. You're not that much of a pain in the ass... even when you're determined to be a grump."
She can't coddle him too much, now.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-15 08:35 pm (UTC)For now, though, it goes a long way toward soothing his petty irritation. How can he feel anything but fortunate when the most beautiful woman in the world is leaning against him? She settles in close and he gives one of her hands a squeeze, before setting it over his heartbeat.
"I'm not determined to be a grump," he replies, and the words are amused, not defensive. "But when I step back and look at myself...I'm not always sure I like what I see."
It's not a confession he expects will be surprising; they, and all their friends, have done things they aren't proud of, in the twisting paths that have brought them to the present moment. Admitting it isn't easy, though. His sense of pride is at times defensive, a set of armor he puts on against the world.
"When you look at me," he says quietly, playing idly with the end of her braid, "what do you see? Or - no, I can guess that, and it's entirely too complimentary." He's teasing, mostly. "What do you think I should see, Vex?"
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Date: 2025-01-15 11:15 pm (UTC)"Well," she sighs, watching her fingers play with the fabric of his shirt, "I would ask you what, exactly, do you not like? You're a survivor, Percy. The terrible things that happened to you and your family... all we've fought as Vox Machina... and at the end of the day, your heart desires good. You want to restore your home. Make it a better place. And you're brilliant enough and determined enough to do it."
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Date: 2025-01-16 12:21 am (UTC)None of which has put her off, at least, but there's no denying Vex is a biased party. Lying here with him, feeling his heart thump under her fingertips, wearing the title Lady Vex'ahlia de Rolo - she'll never look at him and see a monster. It's a fact he's grateful for, but he's not convinced he's earned it.
"And I'm..." His eyes close, and he rests his cheek against her hair. There's no safer person to confess just how little he thinks of himself, but it's still an ordeal to say the words aloud. "It's not enough to say I'm drawn to darkness. Cruelty comes to me so much more easily than mercy, Vex. After everything we've been through, if you walked me back to the beginning and gave me the chance to do it differently, I'd only want to kill people that much faster and more painfully. I can be better than that - I try to be better than that - but I'm not sure I really am."
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Date: 2025-01-16 01:40 am (UTC)(One day this quiet patience may give way, but Vex would like to think she has it in decent supply.)
"You're painfully self-aware," she says after a moment. The worst men in the world have no idea they're the worst. She falls silent for another few moments, choosing her words carefully. "Dear... a lot of our problems have been solved by killing people. And I think some of them did get off lightly--you aren't alone in wishing we could have done worse. You know who you are, and you know your nature and your impulses. The difference between you and something despicable is that you restrain yourself. And I can guarantee you won't feel or think the same way forever."
She's already a different person since meeting him. He's changed in that time, too.
"For the longest time, you only had darkness and cruelty. Not anymore. You have your home, your sister. A chance to be whoever you wish to be."
Perhaps that's more intimidating than he realizes. It's not altogether different from what she faces, but at least she has him to worry about to distract her from thinking about it overmuch.
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Date: 2025-01-16 03:58 am (UTC)Not solely her, of course, but when he thinks of how Vox Machina has changed him, he thinks of Vex's steadiness first. She's kind without falling victim to naïveté, self-assured without being (too) bullheaded. She's seen the uncertainty in him and shown gentleness; when he's needed help, she's never hesitated. There was love between them long before she invited him to her room, but its depth and breadth have both grown.
"I do want to believe you," he adds, letting his eyes close again for a moment or two. "And perhaps one of these days, I will. Once I've become whoever it is I want to be - once I can see what that looks like."
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Date: 2025-01-16 04:18 am (UTC)And she thinks they make one another better. He's softened her heart and chipped away at walls so carefully constructed she couldn't see past them. He can match her moods, balance her, and turn her into mush. All things she can do to him in return.
"Whoever you wish to be, you'll have me. I believe that was part of what the good Keeper said, if I'm not mistaken? I may not have been paying attention at some parts," she teases. Truthfully, their wedding is a blur in her mind. Mostly, she remembers his hands in hers and the happiness in his eyes. "You need to allow yourself time to figure it out. But I promise you, the man you are now... he's a good one. One I hope to have a family with, some day."
She might as well toss that in there in case there was any doubt.
And maybe to make him sweat.
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Date: 2025-01-16 04:39 am (UTC)"We'll have to consummate this marriage at some point," he murmurs, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice, "if you want a family."
Maybe today, even. Dreary weather is, frankly, the perfect backdrop for intimacy. But that's a matter to settle later; he wants to keep her talking, hear the dreams she has for them. "How many, do you think?"
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Date: 2025-01-16 04:56 am (UTC)"How many rooms do we have to fill?" Vex jokes. A family is a lovely thought, and though motherhood hadn't been on her bucket list because she couldn't imagine something like settling down, she can so easily see herself as the mother of Percy's children. "Don't forget, twins run on my side of the family."
She slips her arms around him to give him an affectionate squeeze. Consummating their marriage would lift his spirits further, but she's still feeling out whether he's capable of doing so without landing himself in another casket.
"Perhaps one short of an alarming number. Five?"
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Date: 2025-01-16 02:48 pm (UTC)And he loves the idea. It's not without sacrifice - with children underfoot, they lose the freedom of constant traveling and, frankly, killing dangerous shit for money - but what they gain would surely make up for it. Vex must feel the same, he thinks, or she'd be more hesitant about the entire idea. Five children isn't the suggestion of a woman with half-hearted interest in reproducing.
Perhaps she feels as he does, that little shock of hopeful anticipation at the idea of someone else in the world built up of the person she loves most. The thought is a humbling one. (So much easier to imagine when it's her - some sly little girl or boy with its mother's looks, clever with sums and willing to try anything once. Who wouldn't want that?)
"We can consider it the upper limit. I'm not sure how my parents managed seven." A pause, rueful. "Well, I do know how - they loved us, of course, but tutors and governesses raised us as much as they did. If we do this - when we do this - I want to be there for everything that matters. I never want them to wonder if they're the most important part of our lives."
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Date: 2025-01-16 06:34 pm (UTC)They've both spent so long without a place to put down roots that the prospect of doing so in Whitestone excites her. She can give up the travel and the fighting and the thrills if it means having a family with the man she loves.
She shifts so that she can look at him properly.
"You will. We both will. Our children will have lives far better than we did, and we'll make sure they know how much they're loved and wanted. Considering how you've given me that gift..."
Her smile widens. He's given her everything.
"I have no worries about the kind of man you are or the type of father you'll be, Percy. You're not perfect, but I'll admit that you're damn close. I'm the luckiest woman in the world."
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Date: 2025-01-16 06:59 pm (UTC)And he wouldn't have it any other way. He can imagine teaching them the chemistry of black powder, Vex showing them how to hold a bow. And poor Trinket will never have a moment's peace again - he had better luxuriate in his fireside naps while their lives remain quiet.
Percy's expression softens as she goes on, from amusement into a sort of self-conscious pleasure. Right now, at least, he can believe in the kindness of her words, even if he'll find himself doubting them again in the future. (That part might be necessary - the doubt. So long as it's in question whether he's as good a man as he ought to be, he'll continue to work for it.) His face going pink, he reaches up to brush the backs of his fingers against her cheek.
"Exactly as lucky as I." He's quiet for a moment, hesitating at the threshold of a conversation he's not sure they should enter. "Speaking of our childhoods...do you want to inform your father that you've married? Not before Vax, of course. But when we make this known, do you want word sent to him officially?"
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Date: 2025-01-16 07:23 pm (UTC)"... I don't know." But maybe that's an answer in itself, given it's not a resounding yes. "He would find some way to get under my skin. Make some sort of remark or simply not respond. I worry all it would do is set me off."
The honest truth. She sighs and closes her eyes.
"I always feel like a little girl again when faced with the thought of my father. And yet a part of me still feels like I could prove myself, gain what I always longed for as a child... he may regard me better now, but I don't think he's earned the right to know what I do with my life."
Vax would be happy to hear that, she thinks. There's the answer. She does know, doesn't she? With another sigh, she opens her eyes to look to Percy.
"... no. We don't need to tell him. And when we have children, they'll have plenty of aunts and uncles. There's no need for that man in their lives."
She might understand him better now, but that doesn't mean everything is forgotten.
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Date: 2025-01-17 12:21 am (UTC)But that doesn't make it any easier to see the old pain in her frown.
"He can find out the way everyone else in the realm does," Percy promises, feeling a measure of mean satisfaction at the idea, because really, fuck Vex's father. "I would never ask you to speak to him directly, my love - at most, I'd suggest we send a messenger. And to be honest, I don't want to. I don't want him to have a single chance to ruin your happiness."
But that's not his decision to make, ultimately. He can support Vex in everything, and where he can protect her from unhappiness, he will - but he can't take away her choices in the process. (In the back of his mind, he wonders if there's a way to leave open the possibility of a relationship with Velora, who can hardly be blamed for her father's cruelty...but if so, Vex will have to decide upon it.) He presses a gentle kiss to Vex's mouth, sympathy and apology in equal measure.
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Date: 2025-01-17 12:46 am (UTC)The kiss is a balm for her discomfort, and she returns it, palm pressing to Percy's cheek.
"Have I told you that I love you yet today?" She asks. She does try to say it daily since that terrible span of time where she didn't have a chance to say it to him at all. "Because I do. Every day I love you a little more, in fact."
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Date: 2025-01-17 01:46 am (UTC)More importantly, chasing the joke with another little kiss, he adds, "I love you, Vex'ahlia. Sometimes I think I always have."
Even when she's been a pain in the ass. Even when she was a stranger at the bars of his cell, willing to trust him without more than his word to go on. And now - especially now, talking over the future and the past with him, her every touch gentle. The world has shrunk down to the two of them, and the life they're building together.
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Date: 2025-01-17 02:03 am (UTC)"Now I know you're full of it, my darling Percival." She was so stubborn, so unwilling to let others in. She had tried particularly hard to keep him out, most of all. Because she was always drawn to him, always the first to reach for him or make sure he was okay. It wasn't something she thought to do--it was instinctual.
Fondness came quicker than she'd admit, but love? She has no idea when that happened. She's only glad it did.
"You can go easy on the flattery. I already agreed to marry you."
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Date: 2025-01-17 03:08 am (UTC)All right, now he's laying it on thick - but it's as much for her amusement as for the truth of it all. This time, when he kisses her, it's both hungry and tentative, the latter only because he's expecting to hear not until you're better.
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Date: 2025-01-17 03:45 am (UTC)He does so much better when he can be himself. Do what he enjoys. When he can forget he was recently deceased. She gets it.
"Tomorrow... let's spend an hour or so in your workshop."
Vex slides a finger down his jawline, index finger at the underside of his chin. There are other things that make him feel like himself.
"As for tonight? You'll have to remain on your back."
Flattery really does get you everywhere.
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