open post.

[pathography]

to be beautified later.

Comments

[sinaeths]

Everyone goes their separate ways and suddenly, Vex realizes, she feels alone. It says something that she feels immediately shitty for the thought--Percy is in the room with her, and they've hardly been apart as he recovers from his little dance with death. She hasn't been alone unless she's wished to be, but she supposes some part of her heart will always be with her brother.

A twin thing. She anticipated some mixed emotions about him going off with Keyleth. It shouldn't feel like a weight in her chest or a pit in her stomach when she remembers her brother isn't down the hall. Do not go far from me, but he's out there, spreading his wings. Literally, in some cases.

Old habits are hard to break, and maybe she can't be faulted since they were together in the womb, but as she looks over to Percy she feels like a rotten partner. Of all people, he chose someone whose identity has been a half of a whole for her entire life.

"Percy dear," she begins, and there's a pause in which, were she slightly less stubborn about her emotions winning, might follow with a are you sure any of this was wise? Instead, she puts down the book and the page she's been staring at for the last seven minutes without reading. "How are you feeling? Think you might want to stretch your legs?"

[pathography]

Percy nearly doesn't hear her; he's at his desk, drafting out possible upgrades to the pepperbox with a feverish intensity. He's been banned from his workshop for the foreseeable future by general agreement, and in his heart of hearts, he knows he needs to stay away for a while. A looming eternity spent before a forge, beating his own self-hatred into imperfect shapes, hasn't scared him off - but it's given him pause. He needs to rediscover just who he is outside of his work, or he'll lose himself to it.

But if he doesn't find some way to tinker in the meanwhile, he'll go mad. And it's as absorbing to make plans as it is to carry them out.

"Hm?" His head lifts two or three words in, and he blinks owlishly at her from behind his spectacles. Truthfully - shamefully - his first instinct is no. So many of these walks have been painful, both for his body and his pride; he's hobbled along at Vex's elbow, her invalid lover, incapable of appreciating just how good it is to be alive. (He remembers that best when they're in bed, the world quiet and dark, her hands moving gently through his hair. He remembers it at all times, besides those moments when he's struggling to put one foot in front of another.) But there'll be no improvement without struggle, however mortifying it feels at the time, and he knows that someday, this frustration will be worth something. It has to be. "Yes - I'd like that."

Setting his pen down, he pushes himself out of his chair, wobbling slightly as he reaches for his cane.

[sinaeths]

Self-aware as she is about her feelings about being apart from her twin, she's all the more aware of how Percy is disappointed with his recovery. Slow and steady is the name of the game, and he might preach as much himself, but in practice? It's not him. All she can do is be a steady presence at his side.

Trinket rumbles from where he slumbers before the fireplace before lumbering to his feet at the sound of Vex and Percy moving. He's taken to following the pair around, there to assist Percy when he needs more than his cane or Vex's arm. A good bear.

"Some sunshine will do you good," Vex says, and once he's steady on his feet with is cane, she leans in to press an encouraging kiss to his cheek. "You're a little too pale for my taste."

He's fair as snow on a good day, but ever since he returned to them, he's looked a little too... corpse-like, for lack of better description.

[pathography]

"I'm always pale." He smiles, the joke of it weak, the truth of it under the surface: I know, I see it, too. His cheeks are starting to lose their hollowness, but he's yet to chase away the pallor of death. "Bring your book. We can sit outside for a while."

Percy grabs a tome at random and tucks it under one arm - they'll sit out together in this garden or that courtyard, and gods willing, it'll be peaceful for them both. (It's also a guaranteed rest for him, one he'll undoubtedly need; once he gets started walking, it's hard not to push himself to exhaustion. Doing things by half measures? Sounds nice, but who knows how.) And then it's the balance of cane and step, cane and step, resisting the urge to reach for either Vex or Trinket to begin with.

The first few steps are quiet, getting out of their room and on their way. As they emerge into the sunlight - and against all odds, Percy thinks I'm not out of breath yet, and it's true - he asks, "What have you been reading?"

[sinaeths]

His sense of humor is one of the things she adores about him. The dry remarks he's still able to make soothes away any worries she might have about his recovery. He's still him, through and through.

Her book under one arm, she takes the initiative and reaches for him with the other, hold sure. The paved stones are all too easy to stumble over in this courtyard, and while Trinket goes to find his favorite tree to continue snoozing under, Vex bites the inside of her cheek at Percy's question.

The hells was she reading, again? She resists the urge to look at the cover as she steers them towards a bench.

"Some story about a foolish girl that fell down a well, and back through time," she says after a moment. Don't ask her the main character's name. "I felt my brains leaking out of my ears with each page. Might be better kindling, really. Not cold, are you?"

[pathography]

"No - no, I'm fine." The weather's certainly taking a chilly turn - they're not all that far from snow on the ground, likely just in time for Winter's Crest - but the sunlight still has enough warmth to it that he can manage for a little while. It helps that he's always in layers, that he hasn't shed his jacket or ascot in the name of comfort just yet. And the heat of Vex's palm, of course, seems to spread through his whole forearm.

He sits down slowly when they reach the bench - a brief respite before they continue around the courtyard - and takes a look at the volume he'd picked up. "I've...apparently got a treatise on the stability of arcane enchantments on various metals. Never mind, let's not bother reading out here this afternoon."

Not that it doesn't sound interesting; he'll undoubtedly tear through it at some point in the future. There's no way in hell he'll manage it right now, though.

[sinaeths]

"We'll save it for a rainy day." Or snowy, at this rate. Vex sits beside Percy and glances up at the sun, glad for its warmth. There's plenty to be glad for, namely the man beside her, and she closes her eyes and breathes out slowly. It does nothing for the ache in her chest.

"Strange, isn't it? That we're here. The both of us, sitting in the courtyard of your home." Because it is still very much his home in her mind. Strange to be welcomed here, and stranger still to be here without Vax.

"Did you ever think this is where you'd land?"

[pathography]

Percy sets the book down and puts an arm around Vex's shoulders, leaning in slightly against her side. She's in a contemplative mood, it seems, and he's always happy to indulge that.

"No. And yes." He might simply be happy to indulge in her, period; he turns his head, pressing a kiss to her hair. "I'd never expected to be the eldest de Rolo, and after a point, I wasn't sure I'd ever see Whitestone again. But...go back far enough, and I assumed I'd fall in love with someone eventually. Make a life with them."

Or simply live in the shadow of Whitestone forever, eccentric Uncle Percival to his siblings' children, building them toys in his spare time and forgetting to leave his workshop for days at a stretch. Those are fancies of some other world, at this point, belonging to a boy who'd likely struggle to recognize the man he's become.

"Where did you imagine you'd be?" he asks, after a moment. Not here, he's sure.

[sinaeths]

Vex smiles at his touch, leaning into that kiss against her hair, head finding a restful place against his. However frail he is, his affection is still strong and warm and for a brief moment the pressure against her heart is gone and replaced with butterflies. He still does it to her.

"Not here," she confirms wryly. He knows her. "I didn't think of the future much, back when it was just my brother and I. The future was the next score, the next meal in our bellies. Beyond that..." Another sigh escapes her, hand resting on Percy's leg. "I suppose I always thought that wherever I would be, he'd be there, too. It never really occurred to us that love was a possibility."

And love would mean making space for it. Separate lives, in some regard, when there had been so little of that for years and years of only having one another.

[pathography]

"You miss him." It's not a question, and it's not surprised. There's no one in Vex's life she's relied on more consistently than Vax; Percy might eventually be able to beat that record, but it'll take years. The twins orbit each other so consistently that it must, he supposes, feel strange to be separated.

Especially after it took such effort for the two of them to survive to this point. He thinks, with a little pang, what if Cassandra and I - ? They'd have been inseparable, too, no doubt. Old guilt and regret sink through him for a moment, but he pushes the thoughts away. Now's not the time.

What it is time for, he's not quite sure. There's no easy solution. They can hardly go traipsing off after Vax and Keyleth, and he doubts Vex would go off on her own - both for Percy's sake and the knowledge that three's a crowd. Perhaps just sitting with her and listening, to whatever she wants to say.

[sinaeths]

She does miss him. Painfully so, and being perceived makes the knife twist despite the feeling being expected. Natural. Obvious. Vex inhales sharply, and she nods.

"I know it will get easier with time. It always does," she says. Even the painful loss of their mother lost some of the terrible pain over the years, because life went on. They focused on surviving, on keeping one another afloat. Now Vax has his own life, something separate from her--and she has her life, separate from him.

It's a strange concept.

"I just think I thought I'd... feel less sad about it, I suppose." Sad, to a certain extent, but not like this. A tug at her heart that threatens to make her eyes burn if she dwells on the depth of it too much.

[pathography]

He doesn't respond for a several moments, letting the truth of it sink in for them both. His thoughts are whirring along as usual - trying to find some way to fix the problem, to tinker it into submission - but everything in his chest feels heavy and quiet. And in this moment, he has the wherewithal to realize that his heart is probably what he should be listening to right now, not his mind.

There's no fixing this, after all. Only living with it, and letting it get easier over time. But at least she needn't face it alone.

"When we left Whitestone," he says, voice low and a little uncertain, as though it might not actually be the right thing to say, "I didn't know how I could leave Cassandra behind again. I'd only just found her again, and I was going. But...she'd only just found herself again, too. I think she needed room to be something other than Percy de Rolo's baby sister. And every time we've returned, she's seemed stronger. More capable."

He gives Vex a little squeeze. "It didn't change how much it hurt to go...but there's something for you to look forward to. Seeing who Vax has become when he returns. Seeing who you've become."

[sinaeths]

Oddly enough, hearing the uncertainty in his voice is a comfort. It's sincere. Not that Percy isn't that, not with her, but she knows how deeply he cares for his sister. She sees the pride in his eyes when he looks at her.

"It's a hell of a thing, being a sibling," she says after a long moment, looking to him with a soft smile. He's right, even if the idea of having to see who they become is strange, too. There was never need for that before. They knew, because they spent every moment together.

But strange doesn't have to be bad.

"I'm glad you understand." As much as one could.

[pathography]

He smiles back, comforted and wanting to offer comfort in equal measure. That's the Vex he has endless faith in, the Vex who'll come out of this stronger and ultimately happier. Things have changed, but he has to believe it won't be for the worse. Maybe in the moment, but not forever.

"I'd like to think I do," he answers, leaning in so he can kiss the corner of her mouth. "And while I know it's not the same, I miss Vax, too. Everyone, really - I can't believe it's starting to feel too quiet around here."

[sinaeths]

There's a chuckle under her breath when he says he misses Vax, too. They've come far from where they once were. She's grateful the two men she loves most love one another now as well. It's as it should be.

"Whatever will we do without all the bickering, belching, and things catching on fire?" Vex asks, sitting up so she can repay that kiss with one of her own, another brief thing on the edge of his lips. He does look better out in the sunlight. She takes a moment to admire him before letting out a soft sigh.

"I love you, you know."

And how wonderful it is to feel brave enough to say it with ease, now.

[pathography]

Step back a year, even a few well-chosen months, and he'd probably bristle at the idea. Vax has been a thorn in his side, a reminder of one of the worst missteps of his life - an ally through everything, but not always a friendly one. But the old tensions have eased, in great part thanks to the fact that they both love Vex, and walking past his door in Whitestone feels strangely lonely now.

(Having their friends here made the castle come alive, truthfully, in all the ways it hasn't been since he was a boy. This is a place that needs the warmth of other people filling it, even if it comes with bickering, belching, and the occasional fire. It's a home built for large families, for endless visitors and convivial dinner parties. He, Vex, and Cassandra aren't enough on their own, even if they're a grand improvement over its last occupants.)

His expression, already gentled by the conversation, manages to grow even softer at her words. He hasn't grown used to it yet, hearing her say she loves him; some part of him hopes he never will, that she'll draw a faint flush to his face every time. "I know. And I love you, too."

Percy seals the thought with a real kiss, one that befits something as vital and alive as their love. And then, cupping her cheek, he adds wryly, "And because I love you, I'm going to walk around the entire courtyard if it kills me."

[sinaeths]

Too soon, Percy. Despite the kiss, Vex manages to make a face. No wonder no one appreciated her morbid humor about her own demise. A way to cope with the horrific nature of it all, but she gets it.

"Let's not let it come to that, dear."

Her cheek presses to his palm before she turns her face to press a kiss to it. Then, she stands. Her smile is back on her lips as she patiently waits for him to get to his feet. It takes longer, these days, but they have all the time in the world. And while she's there in case he stumbles or needs a helping hand, she gives him the opportunity to attempt to get himself up, first. Neither of them like to be coddled.

[pathography]

"I certainly hope not." Having died once, he's not anxious to try it again - though if raising the spectre of death nets him such a gentle kiss to his hand, he can't complain. Vex, he hopes, won't actually worry (though he knows on some level she will, the same way he did - and does - about her). It'll take more than an abbreviated walk to send him back down to the crypt.

With effort, he stands, somewhat shaky but capable enough without help. Having someone nearby makes it easier, somehow - a guarantee that he can't fall far - and that somebody being Vex is ideal. They start off again at a leisurely pace, Percy trying not to lean too obviously into the cane.

Percy's free hand finds hers a few steps in, fingers twining between Vex's as they walk. That he's not yet winded feels like a minor miracle; he'll take it, if it means some of his strength is returning. "It is strange to be here for so long, though. Every time I enter a room, I remember something that happened there ten years ago."

From before the Briarwoods' arrival. The castle's haunted by old memories, and he's not yet decided whether the bulk of them taste sweet or bitter at this point.

[sinaeths]

Knowing Percy means knowing he needs to find his own strength--but she's happy to exist in the space beside him, to be the one he trusts to brace him if he falters. Her fingers lace between his, but that's all it is. He's keeping himself up, setting the pace, and she's proud of him. Each day he improves.

"I can only imagine," she says, looking to him with a sympathetic smile. There's a lot of history here, though not all of it can be bad. "You have the opportunity to make this place your own. Honor the memory of your family, and shape it for the future you want. You and Cassandra both."

Whatever that might look like. Thoughts of the future are a relatively novel concept to Vex. While she misses her brother like a limb, the prospect of a future here, with Percy, is a balm.

"There's a lot of work to do, and we have time to do it. That's something to be glad for."

[pathography]

"One of many things," he agrees. Her voice is lulling in the best possible way; she makes even the complicated bits sound easy to accomplish, and she paints a picture not unlike the one he'd offered her. A way to move forward, to be more than he'd started out - to remember the past without becoming mired in it.

Perhaps that's what they both need, at this point. They're finding out just who they are on their own, and what it means for the two of them together. Each of them has a future to shape, one bloody step at a time.

"I know what I want for Whitestone," Percy goes on, thoughtful, as he pauses and knocks a stone off the path. (It's a multi-step process, at the moment: Glance down at the ground, notice the rock, stop, balance against the cane, kick it away. Slow and deliberate to the point of annoyance, but far preferable to tripping.) "Prosperity. Security. A lot of broad-minded buzzwords that really just mean I want everyone here to feel safe at last. And I've some ideas for how to get us there - new building projects, maybe investigating new ways to farm and mine stone. But when it comes to everything else..."

[sinaeths]

It might be the first time in her life has has a list of things to be grateful for. Vax, while not by her side, is living a life that's sure to bring him joy--just as she is, right here with Percy. Her thumb caresses his hand idly at the thought. Vax has something that is only his, and she has something that is solely hers. And they fought hard as hell to make it so.

"Everything else... such as yourself?" She asks with a knowing smile. The moment his heart beat she's sure he knew what he wanted for Whitestone and how to get there. "That's just as important, I hope you know."

Which might be a little hypocritical of herself to say when she hasn't exactly sat down and thought about what she wants for herself, either. Simply having Percy's love is enough. Anything more seems like a fantasy. Not asking too much--a part of her feels this is well-deserved for the both of them. A home. A life together. Peace.

[pathography]

"That's the problem," he says, and it comes out lighter than it feels. Not that it's a problem, exactly, or that it's heavy right now - but there's an enormity to the idea of everything else, of sorting out the trajectory of the rest of his life. Having the opportunity is a blessing he hasn't yet figured out what to do with. "It is important, and there's so much to decide. Do we want to stay here permanently? Does that look like running Whitestone with Cassandra for the long term, or do we want to turn our focus to other things? And when it comes to talking about we and us, just what does that look like?"

Marriage and children are the obvious answer for a member of the de Rolo family, but they've yet to talk about either. If they're really going to stay here for the long haul, though, they'll have to address questions of succession eventually.

Fortunately, it fees like a conversation that could happen at any time, like something that might be put off as long as necessary. They've got long, happy days to spend together right now, and he's got endless skills to relearn. He won't be fit for travel until he can ride a horse again, and right now, he's nowhere near saddling up.

"We'll know when we get there," he adds, after a moment's thought, one corner of his lip pulling up into a half-smile, "but I'm starting to think I'm an inveterate planner, Vex. I like to know just what I'm working towards."

[sinaeths]

Vex smiles to herself as Percy holds a conversation on his own. He's sure to cover all angles: we'll know when we get there, he says, and before she can chime in that he's not one to simply go with the flow, he says it himself.

"You know yourself best, darling," she says, but perhaps she can give him some further insight. "You hold yourself differently when we're here. Prouder. More sure. I think this is where you're meant to be. You've lost this home before. I don't think you'd feel right, settling down elsewhere."

Which puts her in a position she'd never imagined for herself. It could overwhelm, were she to think on it too much, but she's already been a raincloud on a beautiful day. She smiles, examining the nails on a hand that is conveniently lacking any adornments such as rings.

"As for us... well, you'll get around to that eventually."

Though there's no denying the prospect--the inevitability--of being his wife makes her heart flutter in her chest.

[pathography]

He's fortunate she doesn't find him an utter bore, with how he can go on at times - but occasionally, it doesn't feel like his mouth can keep up with whatever's going through his mind. Now's one of those times, his thoughts ricocheting like bad shots, one after another. One thing, and then another, but obviously this other thing, and then there's - on and on again.

As always, she can cut neatly to the heart of things; it's the hunter in her, even when her prey is all metaphorical. A smile takes him over, all affection, and perhaps some of the pride she describes. It's not a change he sees in himself, but if she says it exists, he believes her. The thought is gratifying, that being here steadies him somehow.

"It's hard to imagine anywhere else coming close." If she'd had some attachment to her own ancestral ties - but she doesn't, and he can hardly blame her. The alternative to Whitestone would be someplace new to them both, and they'd have no meaningful influence on the lives of the people around them. Here, he thinks they could do real good.

Vex gives her left hand a significant look, and it's not the exertion that colors his cheeks. At some point, he'll have to talk to Cassandra alone, see if there's any hope of turning up their mother's jewelry. (He can half imagine Delilah poaching from it, mixing it into her wardrobe as one last fuck you to them all. The idea burns him up, even now, but if it meant that the de Rolo jewels survived, he'd take it.) There's a particular ring he's thinking of - but it hardly matters right now. "I will...though I think we'd both enjoy the honeymoon more if we wait until I can pick you up again."

[sinaeths]

One benefit to the man being white as snow is the fact that his blush, no matter how minimal, is vibrant. Vex tries not to look too smug about it.

But it's there in the curve of her lips.

Their positions would be reversed if she could even imagine his thoughts on a ring. She doesn't expect anything of that much significance. The red might stain her cheeks for days.

As it is, she's oblivious, and only delicately leans in to kiss his cheek as they walk, mindful not to compromise his stride.

"Certainly. You'll need your strength," she says, and it's somehow both a promise and a threat. More seriously, she squeezes his hand. "There's no hurry. We have the rest of our lives together and I don't intend to be apart from you for any significant amount of time."