"I might be," he owns, his gaze shifting from her hand to the rain pouring down the windows outside. From this vantage point, he can appreciate that it's lovely to watch, the sort of day that begs to be enjoyed from a place as cozy as their bed. It's a pity he couldn't have come to that conclusion before driving Vex halfway round the bend, but he has the slightly discomfited sensation that these are words that need to be spoken aloud at some point. "I'm also...drawn to the darkness of the world, I think. Practical in ways that could hurt people, idealistic in ways that could hurt people, too. I'm overly rigid, I'm melancholy at times, and I can be a real asshole, even if I'm not a complete asshole."
None of which has put her off, at least, but there's no denying Vex is a biased party. Lying here with him, feeling his heart thump under her fingertips, wearing the title Lady Vex'ahlia de Rolo - she'll never look at him and see a monster. It's a fact he's grateful for, but he's not convinced he's earned it.
"And I'm..." His eyes close, and he rests his cheek against her hair. There's no safer person to confess just how little he thinks of himself, but it's still an ordeal to say the words aloud. "It's not enough to say I'm drawn to darkness. Cruelty comes to me so much more easily than mercy, Vex. After everything we've been through, if you walked me back to the beginning and gave me the chance to do it differently, I'd only want to kill people that much faster and more painfully. I can be better than that - I try to be better than that - but I'm not sure I really am."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2025-01-16 12:21 am (UTC)None of which has put her off, at least, but there's no denying Vex is a biased party. Lying here with him, feeling his heart thump under her fingertips, wearing the title Lady Vex'ahlia de Rolo - she'll never look at him and see a monster. It's a fact he's grateful for, but he's not convinced he's earned it.
"And I'm..." His eyes close, and he rests his cheek against her hair. There's no safer person to confess just how little he thinks of himself, but it's still an ordeal to say the words aloud. "It's not enough to say I'm drawn to darkness. Cruelty comes to me so much more easily than mercy, Vex. After everything we've been through, if you walked me back to the beginning and gave me the chance to do it differently, I'd only want to kill people that much faster and more painfully. I can be better than that - I try to be better than that - but I'm not sure I really am."